What’s Love Got To Do With It

Wedding RingsLove is a many-splendored thing. Love is like a rosary that’s full of mysteries. Love is the loneliness of one, the happiness of two and the enmity of three.

You may laugh, but around 20 years ago, this is the “in” thing for high school students who took serious time in writing them down in their friend’s slumbook.

Yup, definitely not on Facebook, not on Twitter and not on Instagram, but in a slumbook!

Then and until now, I believe in love as much as I believe in magic carpet rides, once upon a dream and happily ever after.

What I don’t believe in was marriage.
Yeah, I could imagine the looks on your faces. It’s probably not what you’d expect to hear from a married woman, eh? And don’t get me wrong, I have happily married parents and I know they’ll be together till death do them part. So why on earth am I saying all these?

When I was in college, we were asked to write an essay in one of my Theology classes. I can no longer recall the reason for writing the essay but all I remember was that I wrote about not getting married in my lifetime. Back then, I thought of marriage as just a contract between two people who want to be stuck with each other because of the following reasons:

1.) Convenience – which we pretty have a lot of cases of. It’s when you know you can surely get something out of the other, be it financial, emotional or even spiritual. It’s the famous “I need you, you need me, let’s get hitched” lame kind of excuse.

2.) No choice – thinking the other person will be the only one left to love and accept you as you terribly are.

3.) Lastly, and for obvious reasons – the girl’s pregnant.

I remember citing the statistics of divorce and annulment to strengthen my case. I wanted it to be heard and made a statement. My probing question was: How many people are such a bunch of liars swearing in the name of God to love and to hold, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do them part but then after a few years of taking a toll, they pack their bags and leave.

So much for happily ever after. And so I ask the question, what’s does the infamous love got to ever do with marriage?

Again, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t uphold commitment that I do not believe in marriage. I may not have taken dating seriously way back then – back then, it’s just access to free ride, free food and free movie tickets. But I am not afraid to commit and I know I can give my heart to the one who really deserves it. What I was so scared of is to be the one left behind. That’s why I always took the upper hand in most of my relationships back then. I didn’t see the need for my hand to be asked in marriage, I didn’t need a contract. I didn’t need an unsolicited vow that someone would easily break before I even realize it. All I needed was someone who will  stay with me as long as he can, as much as he can. But no one just seemed game for it. Or better yet, no one was aptly qualified for it.

And so it wasn’t until 10 years after that memorable essay and a couple of failed attempts to happily ever after, that I hardly believe I would meet a man who just clicked with me in that most weirdly positive way. I liked to read, so did he, which was a first. I like to eat, and so did he, and we share the same interest in food. I like music and, lo and behold, aside from the fact that he actually knows music, he also appreciates the music I listened to even the Broadway  musicals. Last but not the least, I like outdoors and, hallelujah, so did he. 

Long story short, of course I said yes, not to marriage of course, but to a very promising relationship. You see, there’s always this one person in your life that you can consider your soulmate and I know the moment I met him that he is mine. We did not actually plan on getting hitched, we were happy living together outside marriage. However, in order to conform to society’s bi-standard norm and to make my parents happy, we did. So explains the ring that I have in my finger.

Love is a many-splendored thing; not marriage. Love is like a rosary that is so full of mysteries; not marriage. Love is the loneliness of one, the happiness of two, and the enmity of three; not marriage.

Love is when you find the person to share a magic carpet ride with. Love is sleeping with your once upon a dream. And ultimately, love is finding the person whom your heart and mind tells you that you could live happily ever after with him, married or not.

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